Unmasking Jared Gustafson: Part II
i don’t know how i met jared, and maybe that’s telling in and of itself.
i was leading worship at a new church in beaumont, ca and he found me there. maybe he knew someone who also worked there; i’m not sure, but i do know he knew about me before we met face to face. we spent a lot of time talking in the parking lot after a service. i was 17 and i believe he was 20 or 21. eventually, he asked me on a date. i said yes. we went out. and from there, we hung out pretty much anytime we could. he introduced me to his family and i spent a lot of time at his mom’s house in redlands. i became immediately involved in every aspect of his life. i joined every church he was a part of — and there were a lot. he introduced me to several of his spiritual leaders and mentors. at one point, i was leading worship nearly every day of the week in various churches and prayer gatherings.
earlier, i mentioned that it all started with a date. but we were not dating. we were never in an official relationship. i bring that up because it became a big point of contention. we had bible studies together, prayed together, led ministries together, spent nearly every free moment together, we held hands and held each other, but we were not together.
eventually, we had “the talk.” jared told me we couldn’t be together because he didn’t want to ruin my heart for my future husband. with my current therapeutic training, i can easily dissect how abusive that statement is, but for the time and the culture we were immersed in, this type of language wasn’t too far fetched.
however, he continued to treat me like i was his. he dictated who i could date, how i should dress, and what types of people i spent my time with. i got my nose pierced and i was scared for him to find out. this is the type of control i was under. and then i was left high and dry. he had incorporated me into every aspect of his life, and then told me i had to love him as a brother. he started calling me sister. it was confusing.
and here’s where it gets more weird:
at a 24 hour prayer night, jared and a group of people surrounded me and prayed for my eating disorder to be healed. i think it took hours. they asked often at what percentage i felt healed. i didn’t know what that felt like so i lied. i wanted it to be over. i had just led worship for three hours and i was exhausted. i knew that if i said i wasn’t healed, they would tell me that i just didn’t believe enough. my faith had to be stronger.
at some point, i started dating again. jared called me to his house because he heard about it from someone else. i had made a point not to tell him, but someone in the community brought it to his attention. he told me i needed to pray for forgiveness for hurting him by dating another man. so i did. i prayed for him, feeling deeply embarrassed and ashamed and confused. and then he prayed over me, asking God to deliver me from my deceptive spirit.
there were a lot of other things, like the time jared boxed up a dead possum and left it on my best friend’s ex’s porch. and the times he and his group of friends filmed themselves hurting each other. the time jared thought it would be a good idea to eat only bread rolls for an entire month because he wanted to test the limits of his body and see if jesus could sustain it. he claimed that men can live on bread alone.
i hesitated saying any of this publicly because spiritual trauma is SO hard to articulate and the fear that someone will say this isn’t valid is SO present within me. in light of what is happening (and it doesn’t take much to google that), i feel a sense of empowerment and a sense of strength and a sense of necessity.
this happened in 2008/9 and helps to provide some framework to the shaping of this person who is causing harm in our community. because the past matters. jared’s (and everyone else’s) behaviors and patterns help us understand how we’ve gotten to this point. in therapy we look to where certain messages and patterns began. it’s vital that we get curious about it. if we don’t, how can we change?
i know a lot about how jared grew up. i was closer to him than a lot of people. i am angry and disappointed and sad for the types of pain and harm he has inflicted and continues to inflict, but i also have some ideas as to why. i didn’t expect to write this and feel an ounce of compassion in my body, but here i am. i’ve held onto this for too long.
i release it all now.
thank you to the people who are supporting me in writing my story. and thank you to ryan ashton, who helped me find the strength to share.
—Lo Whipple
Originally published on Medium on March 13, 2022, this post can be read here.
